What's Next? Knockdown Aftermath
by Spoiler94
Summary: The days immediately following The Kiss


"Hi it's Kate. Leave a message." BEEP

This is crazy – he's heard the same message for three days now. It's New York – there are murders every hour here, yet no phone calls. He knew that she was smiling in the ambulance. The way that she held and wrapped his hand, the shine of her eyes. The events of those three days were like a fast blur to him, yet those thirteen seconds in the alley were the most vivid of his life. He hasn't stopped thinking about how she tasted, how she felt nestled against him. Except when he thinks about the rage he feels against the man who almost took her away.

The last time he talked to her, she said that there were some loose ends to tie up. Then, nothing. No phone calls about a murder. No new leads on the third person in the van. Only silence. Maybe he should call R & E – get the guys together to see how they are doing, go out for some drinks. But it would seem too insincere – they kept it all at the station. With Alexis on her science trip and Martha in London meeting with producers, his loft was too quiet. He could work on his writing, but it would not produce material for Nikki Heat – maybe something more appropriate for his romance novel alias.

He dials the station, but hangs up. What if he's wrong. What if the intensity that he felt during that kiss was all one sided? What if her reciprocation was her trying to put on a show to save their partners? She seemed so shaken afterwards, that maybe he read things wrong and had crossed a border that couldn't be retraced. Maybe she was avoiding him now and waiting for permission to end their assignment. He couldn't take that. After two years of seeing her nearly every day and as close as things had become in the past few weeks between them, he had finally realized how extraordinary this woman truly was. He can't just turn something like that off. Her expression was priceless right before the kiss, when he'd moved so quickly to stop her from pulling her weapon and held her steady in position – utter shock, almost terrified. But there was no mistaking her response – because she kissed him back, with a ferocity so vicious that it was unimaginable.

Had she felt this spark too? If so, for how long? Last year when he invited her to the Hamptons with him she turned him down. Yet when he came back in the fall, she was callous towards him. Almost hurt. Things with Gina had been sudden, maybe both of them grasping at something and trying to make something work that just wasn't there. Gina could be sweet, but he was reminded of why things didn't work out the first time. Come to think about it, everyone in the precinct had been that way. What did he miss.

He hears someone knocking at the door. He doesn't usually receive deliveries on Saturday. Odd.

Mental note to self: don't try to fly to Africa and back in three days time EVER AGAIN. She was so exhausted – between getting the call from Raglan and the standoff at the warehouse, then visiting that demon at the prison, and then her trip, she'd slept for nearly two days straight. But it was a restless sleep. Too many dreams. Dreams of finding Ryan and Esposito dead in that warehouse, and Lockwood long gone. Dreams going back to her mother's death and the week following. Dreams of falling down the rabbit hole again. Dreams of Castle, and that kiss. Wow – the kiss. She'd thought about it the entire plane ride to and from Africa. She stopped only when she looked up at the sign saying 'Welcome to Johannesburg" and realized how difficult this would be to do.

She'd asked Josh to meet her there, not telling him why. But this was something that she had to do in person. She was not the type to let things drag on, nor be with someone behind his back, and she certainly would not do this over the phone. Granted, it took every penny that she was saving for her next vacation, but it was the right thing to do.

She arrived at the hotel and learned that Josh was already there and waiting for her. He'd thought it incredible that she wanted to fly all the way there to see him for only a day, but his ego fed into his mindset that maybe she's finally ready, even if it was only for a day. He'd be returning in a month or so and it would give them a chance to continue what they'd started, what he'd waited for since the summer. She was a difficult girl to understand, and very dedicated to her job. Many times when they were on the verge of being together for the first time she would be called away on a case. Or by Castle. He'd started joking that it was an omen, that the forces of nature were keeping them apart. Now she was flying across the ocean just to spend a day with him. He had no intention of spending the day sightseeing. He'd ordered champagne, and set them room with flowers, candles for later. He wanted her first time with him to be memorable.

He heard the key card in the door and hid behind it to see her reaction. She opened the door and he wrapped his arms around her from behind. He had no idea that he should never do this to a cop, but he knew that he would probably never do it to ANYONE again. Before he could say cardiothoracic, her head had jerked back and bloodied his nose, her elbow had caught him in the ribs, and he was on the floor. She stood there dumbfounded, then helped him up and brought ice and a towel.

They sat down together at the table, with chocolate dipped strawberries and fruits tempting her. She hadn't eaten in days and was starving beyond recognition. But this wasn't the time. She needed to explain to him more about her, and why she had to let him go. Once the bleeding stopped from his nose, she stalled for a bit asking about his trip and the work he was doing. He told her about the villages he'd seen and the people he'd met. As she listened, she realized that he hadn't once asked how she'd been. She'd told him on the phone that she'd had a terrible few days and needed to see him. In the past she'd brushed it off to just being a guy when he didn't ask more questions when she said things were ok or fine. Castle wouldn't let that go. He knew when something was bothering her. STOP IT! Stop thinking about him when you're about to break the heart of someone else.

She finally realized that he was talking to her. Her vacant expression had given her away – he knew she wasn't listening to a word that he said. He was puzzled so he asked – why would she fly all the way there and not be mentally with him. That's when she told him. He knew that her mother had died, but not that she was murdered. He knew nothing of the darkness that had descended around her afterwards, nor how her dreams of life in the theater had been replaced by firearms training and crime solving. He was realizing that he really didn't know Kate Beckett at all.

When she told him that she had been working details on the case again, he realized that Castle had been there too. He suspected that there was more going on between them than she was letting on, but she had reassured him that there was not. Besides she was with him in the evenings when she wasn't working, until the phone rang. And it always seemed to ring – every time that he could get a few days away to be with her. Maybe there was more to it than just the forces of nature. She realized that he wasn't listening to her and stopped. It took him a moment to realize that she had stopped. He recalled all the times that it seemed that it would finally happen, only to either be shot down with 'I have to be at court early tomorrow' or an early morning briefing. Or that damn phone. Sometimes it wasn't even dispatch, it was Castle with one of his wild theories. She rarely talked about him, but seeing the way that Castle looked at him when he picked her up from the station, and the look on his face as they walked away, he knew. Castle was protective of her. And Castle already knew everything that she had just told him.

"He's the one isn't he? He's the one you were trying to get over in the summer." But why had she come all the way to Africa to tell him about her mother. Unless it was something else? That's when he heard her say "It's over." It explained a lot – why she was distant. Why she ran off the moment the phone rang. The signs were there the whole time, but he knew that she was loyal and that she had been truthful, except maybe not with herself. It was as amicable a breakup as there could be, with a hug and a 'Take care of yourself' and 'I hope that you find happiness someday.' They both knew that the other would be fine. With the fast pace of both of their jobs, their seven months together had been sporadic dates and lunches. No heavy attachments yet, no talk of future plans. As Josh left the room, she felt guilty for all the lengths he'd went to in the room, so she called room service and ordered something different and asked them to take the other away. She would sleep for a few hours before her plane left for home the next morning.

But she didn't sleep. She thought about Castle all night. About the look on his face when he was on top of Lockwood. She'd seen the look before on others – the rage when they are confronting the person who'd killed someone they knew. She never knew that Castle had such an aggression in him – that behind the metrosexual exterior was a protective animal. She knew that he must have seen Lockwood aiming for her, but how stupid was he to tackle a man with a weapon. But then again, she hadn't given him a weapon of his own when they went into the warehouse so what else did he have? Creating a distraction would have gotten him killed – he knew that Lockwood was too good of a shot for that. Lockwood probably didn't even know that he was in the building, so the surprise attack was their best defense. But she still worried that he was becoming too confident in his abilities. He still had no formal police training. Maybe they would need to change that.

The flight back home the next day was filled with anticipation, yet nervousness. She had reviewed and analyzed every moment of that kiss. The look in his eyes, the feeling of his hand cupping her neck. His taste. His warmth. The way their bodies melded together. It was a titillating feeling – one she'd never felt. But the kiss was not soft and tender. It was aggressive, with hunger. She hadn't kissed that many guys, even in high school and college. After her mother's murder, she'd barely kissed anyone at all it seemed. Twelve years and she'd only kissed four people - what a record. But Castle was different. There was an electricity between them. She'd felt it. From the look on his face, he'd felt it. She could barely stand afterwards, and had only seconds to regroup before seeing the exchange between Esposito and Lockwood. She knew there was no time to formulate a plan so she told Castle to hide and do not under any circumstances come out until it was over. But she's glad that again he didn't listen, otherwise they would all be dead.

When the plane landed she stopped by her apartment to drop her things, and crashed on the couch. She'd only rest for a few minutes, then she had somewhere to be. She awoke two days later with a stiff neck, and seven missed calls, all from Castle. She'd told Captain Montgomery that she needed to take a few days off and he'd welcomed the request, suggesting even that the personal days that she'd built up for the past five years would come in handy right about now. She didn't want to be away for too long though – there were too many leads to follow up on – tracing 'Hal Lockwood' back to his previous identities, through old acquaintances, maybe even military records. That would be Esposito's area of expertise – give that part to him. Ryan could interview Pulgotti again, looking for new details. Montgomery had already talked to McAllister, and he wasn't giving anything new, except to have Montgomery to tell her to be careful – she was treading deadly water. But she didn't want to think of that for now – she only had one case that she wanted to analyze, and that was the mystery of Richard Alexander Rogers.

After she awoke and took some aspirin for the crick in her neck from two days of sleeping on the couch, she showered and stood by her closet before going with the simple sweater, jeans, and her amazing boots. She needed some height when she interrogated suspects, and this would be no different. She liked having the upper hand and being in control of the situation, but when Rick took her hand off the gun and pulled her close to him, there was no control on her part. She was powerless to stop him, though physically she could have if she'd wanted to. The intensity in his eyes that night still sets her on fire. She felt the Heat that he'd written about so many times in both the Storm books and now the books about her. Was Natalie right – was Castle using the Nikki Heat books to imagine what it would be like with her? Was last year's trip to the Hamptons more than she realized? She needed answers to what was going on between them. If she was going to have to continue on her mother's case without him, she would need a few days to regroup herself before she returned to work. She needed to get this out of the way.

It was a Saturday morning, so she wasn't sure what she'd find in his loft. Empty pizza boxes, a laser tag game. Another blonde. She paused before knocking on the door. She knew this was a line that once crossed, there was no going back. Maybe this was a bad idea, and she turned and walked to the elevator and anxiously pushed the button. She got inside and hit the Close Door button hoping to escape before she's seen. She's quickly back to the ground level. As the door opens, her phone rings. It's Rick. It's like he's calling her back to him. She decides that it's an omen and returns to his door and knocks.

It's hard to say who was more surprised that day. When Rick opened the door and saw her standing there his heart skipped a beat. He hadn't seen her or talked to her for days. Then she shows up unannounced at his apartment asking if they could talk. She sat down and he poured her a cup of coffee, in a ceramic mug. She flashed back to Raglan's musings of coffee in a mug instead of a paper cup, how it was more permanent and warmed your hands. She couldn't look Rick in the eyes - she was afraid to see his reaction to what she was about to say. "I've been to Africa." His heart stopped. Had all of the strain been too much on her? Had he pushed too far this time? "I went to see Josh. Things couldn't go on the way they were. I didn't feel right with him being all the way over there with things going the way they were over here." He took a deep breath. "Kate, I'm sorry. I overstepped. I knew that if you drew that gun…" before she interrupted with "Rick, you have nothing to be sorry for. If I'd drawn my weapon Ryan and Esposito would both be dead right now, and quite possibly both of us. What you did was spur of the moment and rash – and exactly what we needed at that moment." He finally exhaled. She wasn't going to shoot him, he decided. But would he let her back into her life?

She paused for a moment – here goes, she thought. "It was exactly what I needed at that moment. Since last summer I've been trying to run away, trying to hide, and I'm sick of it. I need to know where things stand with us. What's going on?"

Rick looked her straight in the eyes, and with a seriousness she'd never seen from him, spoke softly. "Kate Beckett, you are extraordinary. Magical. When I first met you, there was something about you that sparked my interest. After that first night, I sat down and wrote the outline to Nikki Heat. I wrote about a tough as nails detective who took nothing from anyone. She was beautiful, and sexy, and handled herself with more class than any movie star. As I got to know the you on the inside, I began having trouble with the second book. I'd seen the other side of you, the vulnerable side. I was learning what made you tick, what motivated you. I started to see the Kate that walked outside the precinct, when you didn't have a badge and gun to hide behind. That's when I asked you to the Hamptons. I needed to reconcile Kate Beckett with Nikki Heat, and not confuse the two. When I saw you with Demming, I saw how happy you were, and I couldn't get in the way of that. That's when I decided I needed to leave, as much as I didn't want to." Kate started to interrupt, but he continued.

"When I came home at the end of the summer, things with Gina had gotten more serious than I wanted. She'd offered to accompany me to keep me in line and on task. Thinking you were still with Demming, I accepted. If I'd known what was going on in your mind that day, I'd have never left your side."

"I tried to settle back into a habit with Gina, but it was no use. It was mundane. Ordinary. I finally realized that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Magic. I wanted someone who inspired me. I wanted extraordinary. I wanted you, Kate Beckett. For the past few weeks that's all I could think about. Then when we were in the alley and all else had failed, I tried Magic. And it worked." Kate hardly knew what to say. The person who had saved her from the darkness, whose writings had brought her back out of the never ending rabbit hole, was opening his heart to her. Her grin must have said it all.

He stood up in front of her, and took her hand to pull her up. Standing next to him, no coats, no dark alleys, things were more alive. This time when he put his hand behind her head and pulled her close, she knew what to expect. And it was amazing.


End file.
